Just Watching Flamingos

People are funny, funny creatures. We think we are so random or unique but really, SOOO predictable. Yet, I'm constantly surprised.

Every girl grows up with a prince charming dancing in their imaginations. Some reason though, I didn't. I didn't want to get married, and I certainly didn't want children. Suddenly that mindset changed. It wasn't even the growing up part-though I am sure that's part of it. The biggest curve-ball, was the fact that I didn't even see it coming. If you would have told me four months ago I would be engaged before the end of the summer, I would have laughed orange juice out my nose.

I moved into my grandparents' basement in hopes of change in scenery to refresh my spirit. I was pretty depressed after the "worst year of my life!" (soo dramatic...) I didn't come searching for a mate per say, but certainly that's always in the back of my mind. I came to help but also for a new sort of adventure. Of course I start trying to meet people and find myself measuring guys up to see if I would date them. Ridiculous, I know! I was getting annoyed with it myself. Thinking about starting another relationship sounded more exhausting than exciting... red flag? Right when I was starting to consider how to become a nun, a thought struck me out of the blue sky-or burrito more like. I remember it clearly....

Mary was my "adopted Sheridan mother" during my time in Sheridan. I, along with my boyfriend at the time, were good friends with her son. Jeffrey joined the Navy and disappeared off the face of the earth (Wyoming is pretty much it's own planet).  I grew up in the military. My Dad was Army and is now National Guard, my uncles and aunts are all military in some form, and my brothers both did their share. I'm no stranger to how tough that life can be. So  tried to encourage him with letters and care packages because that's what friends do.

Distance is another funny thing. The first year of his being over in South Carolina, we weren't able to talk much. He was pretty busy being molded into US property and I was still going steady in school. But then school ended, decisions had to be made and....that's where my "hard time" started. For some reason, Jeffrey trusted me. Even before he left, he would tell me things that he normally wouldn't tell his friends. And even stranger, I understood how confidential this really was and didn't tell anyone. It wasn't until he was gone that I was able to confide in him. Was it because he trusted me first? Or just the fact he knew both sides of the story and still chose to talk to me. I felt pretty lucky to have such a good friend, even if he was thousands of miles away. The second year we were able to talk more, and so we did.

I would talk through all my struggles with him because I lacked those deeper level friendships that would understand.  He would tell me the truth. I believed him. Likewise, he would share his own doubts and insecurities. We talked about literally everything. Awkward, weird, crazy, off the wall, you name it! We got serious sometimes, too. We both struggled in our love lives. As friends, we could talk about such things. I would tell him about certain guys I was interested in to get his "guy info" view and I would do the same for him (friend zone flag). This is probably the greatest friendship to have. We were honest from the get-go.  We never had to try and impress each other, so we never "put up a face." From just having fun together came honesty and through that honesty came the truest form of love. We weren't trying to gain points from being the better friend. We weren't keeping tabs. We were just two young souls trying to make sense of the world and before us was the greatest gift you could have.

By the end of that year, we both realized how awesome we were and he was truly my best friend.


Mary was bringing her father to the hospital in Billings for treatments and appointments and such, and since I was here now, we would try to meet up, even if it were just for coffee. This particular day, however, was a little more exciting. Jeffrey had finished his schooling in South Carolina and was on his way home for a month before he was to be stationed in California. I haven't seen this kid in two years. I was pretty stoked to say it mildly. Mary and I decided to meet for lunch and over my burrito we were reminiscing over what Jeffrey had really accomplished. It was rather interesting to get his mother's raw view of the situation. While listening to this mother talk about her son with such pride, I heard the faintest of voice in the back of my head, "the key to a man's heart is through his mother." In which I replied, "If I were ever to date Jeffrey, I'd have that in the bag!" I quickly pushed the thought from my mind. Jeffrey was my best friend and I did not want to ruin it with something so silly! Not only that, but the fact that he was one of my ex-boyfriend's best friends AND to top it off, I was friends with Jeffrey's ex-girlfriend who was still nursing her wounds from their break-up. I couldn't do that to her and neither could Jeffrey do that to his friend. That's breaking every guy/girl code in the book! One mess I'd rather steer clear of.

I saw Jeffrey the following day. I met with him and his dad for some lunch before they went up to the airport to pick up Jeffrey's sister. It was Sunday and I was still wearing my dress from church. I could have changed, but for some reason, I wanted to look nice-though I wouldn't admit it ;). I was half expecting the conversation to be awkward. I have hung out with his parents quite a bit actually since he's been gone, but having not seeing this kid in years I thought it was be like re-meeting. Oh how I was mistaken. It was as if he never left.

A little part of me flipped with excitement. Now I was in a pickle. The person I would usually run to at this time was the person I was questioning about. Should I just stick my neck out there or will it turn the whole friendship awkward when he didn't feel the same? Was just lonely or was I truly falling in love?  Then there was the awful triangle mess. I resulted to dismiss the ordeal as nothing....well sort of. As a giddy little girl, I had to know. So I cornered him to make him talk. I like to think I know him a little and I could tell he wasn't telling me something. Or it was more like I was hoping I was interpreting it right and wasn't an idiot.

I got my answer during our late-night texting.  I can't really remember the conversation or how it went but I do remember his exact words of one text in particular: "I am actually falling in love with you." (alcohol and texting, it just somehow makes you brave) So I wasn't and idiot. I wasn't alone. But instead of jumping with excitement, I cried.

I can see why men are so confused by females. I'm confused by myself constantly and I can never explain it. Why was I crying? Isn't that what I wanted to hear? I even had an inkling that it was coming in the first place.  It was at this point all the questions and doubts started to flood in. What about my friend? What does he think about that? What if it feels like I'm dating my brother? What if we don't work out and we end up never speaking again? I cannot lose my best friend.

The next morning his words were constantly buzzing through my head and I had a new sensation come over me. I was content. Again, I couldn't explain why.

Through all our discussions we had a mutual understanding of what dating was all about. It was about finding your spouse. We knew each other's values and goals in life, and I already loved him as a friend. After a short discussion, we agreed to try the dating thing. I finally convinced myself with the thought, "hey, what could be better than possibly marrying your best friend?" After the first kiss (didn't feel like kissing my brother!) I knew that this was fate and started laughing. (once more, female emotions are confusing) It all made perfect sense! After everything that happened that past miserable year, I'd run to Jeffrey, I valued his opinions and when he told me I believed him. All this time searching for someone to have by my side forever, and he was right in front of me the whole time! (Meanwhile he was just trying to conquer the friend zone.)

It didn't take long to realize that I knew I would marry this man.