God Winks

Taking a plate full of gnawed-raw corncobs across the driveway, thinking about how much I loved lemon cookies' sweet crumbs lingering in my mouth, when a meteoroid  streaked across the twilight sky interrupting my thoughts in mid-stride. As I watched the remnants fade back into the  murky sky my heart smiled. "Shooting star, make a wish" I said but I could not come up with anything. Am I the only one that thinks there is time limit on wishing stars? If you have to think too long about a wish then maybe you don't even need one.     Instead, my heart smiled. Not with excitement or twitterpation (now a word), but of sweet contentment knowing everything is going to be just fine. Maybe even more than fine, but absolutely wonderful in its own way. Perhaps it was just a wink from the Big Guy reminding me who's really in control.

There's so much going on. All the time. My people-pleasing attributes turn into faults. Summers may be more stressful than Christmas season!  Though through all of this, I can't help but smile. I have been so blessed in so many areas of my life. I have a family and friends that I wouldn't trade for the world. But when they all start to collide, I forget where to put my focus. It is quite funny how fast and frequent priorities shift. There's always a moment when I feel my decisions hurt people and I can't help it. Some decisions are more selfish than others, but a girl is allowed that every once in a while, right?

A lot has happened over this summer, making time fly like never before. First my grandfather, then weddings galore, now engagement. That doesn't sound so bad in words, but boy-howdy, my body felt that like a nuclear stress-bomb. Now, as August is dawning to an end, I can finally sit down and reflect.

First of all, Grandpa got a test result back yesterday saying that his abnormal protein cell count in the blood dropped 40 percent! There were a bunch of side-effects that weren't planned and by no mean desirable, but seeing results is a flicker of hope that hopefully makes it worth it! Almost. Seeing the affects of cancer take over a person might be one of the worst experiences in my life. Yet, there is a sense of...what would you call it? not so much joy, or hope, but a mixture of relief and understanding when you know this is not the end of the story. That even if this disease takes him from this world, we should rejoice for we know his soul will be freed for eternity. The heartache comes to those left behind. It's a hard concept to come to terms with, but when the Bible speaks of "peace beyond understanding" it makes sense.

On other side of the emotional spectrum, weddings. Where one life is ending, a new one is beginning...sort of. Who would have thought that three weddings I made commitments to would fall within the same two weeks, then have the surprise of my own engagement to top it off? Time machine please. This reflection time is where I realize everything that I could have done better. Live in learn, right? During this month I think I shaved some years off my life. My best friend from childhood was planning her big day and I, being a virgin maid of honor, was clueless. Emotions flared, words were said,  now a joyous event was tarnished and a rift entered a friendship. Of course both sides have endless amount of excuses and reasons how the other was to blame, but the bottom line is that I wasn't the person I should have been for her. I'm sorry about that. At the same time though, I'm hurt and can't seem to just let it go as if nothing happened. Humans have a funny habit of that.

 During that particular time, my mother's mom was rushed into the hospital here in Billings. Thinking she was on her deathbed, I spent the night in the ICU waiting room, keeping my mom updated while she tried to catch the first flight from DC.  We had an unplanned family reunion as all of my grandmother's children flew in to say goodbye. Luckily, it wasn't the case. She recovered despite doctors and science's belief! Miraculous to be blunt. During this hectic time in hospital one, my father's dad was in recovery in hospital two. Long story short, I saw more hospital during that week that I care for in my lifetime. I learned something though (can you imagine?). Life is so fragile and too short for trivial disputes. Forgive. Forget. Move on. Live happy. Simple to say, difficult to accomplish. Challenge accepted.

My mom had planned a visit to her dad in Missouri. That's a long drive so she asked me to tag along. psh.. yes! Road trips are my favorite! Especially with my crazy mom who I haven't seen enough of this past year! Even faster flew that week and mildly rushed. My fault. My fiancee had paid for me to fly out to visit him in San Diego-my future home. That's a whole other can of warms  I'll have to expand on another time. Mom time is probably the best time. An almost month-long  break from Billings was definitely needed after that crazy July. Not taking for granted that I am fortunate enough to have such opportunities. This is becoming increasingly obvious through this whole ordeal and I will seize them!

At the end of every thought, breath, day, event, EVERYTHING: Praise God. My heart is thirsty and He grants me grace continually when I least deserve it.